ChérieDoudou! Anecdotes laughter reflections!

Did you know that the first time we went out together, I wasn't even sure of my feelings and I dropped it after not even a month?

And that the following year, we went out together again for 2 months, and it was he who told me the famous “ I prefer that we remain friends ”?

Then, we looked for each other, we sent tons of text messages, we took our time to kiss each other, you see the thing. We never managed to be friends, so much we wanted "more so affinities".

We got together for good the following summer. I was going to come in 1st and he in 2nd. We had been waiting for a few months for something or other to get back together. A little more mature, perhaps? The fear that it is not serious enough yet? Fear of going too fast? Because yes, during all these adventures, we were young teenagers. 🙂

The first year was both beautiful and difficult because we were very jealous, possessive, we had trouble trusting each other's love. When we got confused (for almost nothing), we didn't talk to each other for 2 days… I'll spare you the details.

You have to say to yourself:

“Bad start to last, this couple! »

In fact, not that much, because we had the basics:

• We knew each other well, and we got to know each other better and better over the years. This is for me the big advantage of having met young. When I married her, I really knew who I was dealing with . I knew his family well, and he knew mine. It helps to know what “context” each one comes from! When it came time to settle in together, I knew what to expect. Love has not made us blind.
• We did not have not afraid to make a long-term commitment , to build our life together. Was it the carelessness of youth? The Christian education that means that you shouldn't take things lightly in love, but choose someone for life (an education that can have its limits, by the way)? I think it's also, not only our Christian upbringing, but our personal faith in God, and God himself, that has given us this conviction and this determination to commit ourselves to each other. And we will be forever grateful to him.
• If there were a lot of fights, at least that meant we didn't keep our frustrations to ourselves. We have avoid the unspoken and learned to understand each other.

14 years later, I don't think we're the same anymore! We grew up together, fitting in with each other, getting used to each other. One day, someone asked us “so, still together? Still married? :D. It must have impressed her that we got married so young (19 and 20), and that our couple lasted.

What does a couple that lasts do?

All these years with him make me feel loved, confident, safe. It's reassuring to have someone reliable by my side, to know that we are moving forward together and that we will always support each other. I also feel useful and responsible, because I participate in his happiness. I am not on my own, I have a role as a wife and this contributes to give meaning to my life .

Over time, we gain in simplicity and authenticity. Many things are more natural.

Despite everything, making your couple last is not obvious

We sometimes think that it would be less of a headache to be alone – in any case I tell myself, I think he does too :). Good to know :

• Just because we move in together doesn't mean we see each other more. It's necessary take the time for the other , look at him, pay attention to him. We quickly become simple “roommates” when we are each absorbed in our activities.
• The flame does not rekindle itself, and the other is not ours. It takes effort . Not insurmountable efforts: remain admiring of the qualities of the other, continue to try to please him and be pleasant to him...
• Just because the couple lasts doesn't mean they're fine and that the relationship is balanced. Just look at the figures on domestic violence... Questioning yourself is important, and daring to submission and sacrifice . Communicate well.

In short, we celebrated our earthenware wedding

9 years of marriage, it's a long time and at the same time it passes quickly!

When I read it again, I see that I had a rather negative approach… Far be it from me to scare you or to insinuate that being in a relationship is very restrictive. Maybe it's a reaction to everyone who thinks my relationship is perfect. 😀

What is certain is that it is a real happiness to live alongside my husband , not only for what he brings me, but first of all for what he is, and what he becomes. His presence is essential and makes all the difference. I don't believe at all in love / love at first sight where I don't know what that would only last 3 years, because sincerely I love it stronger than at the very beginning.

I love you darling. ♡

And you, how long have you been in a relationship? What is your feeling?

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A couple that lasts

One of our first areas of disagreement in the big chapter "home renovation" was the choice of 2 door handles. We hadn't had much to choose from yet because at the start of the major works, we were in "technical" and not decorative equipment, but there, we were installing 2 new doors and we needed handles... And choosing door handles like that, in front of the department store with lots of door handles, well, it's not easy. Especially since we still didn't really have an idea of ​​what we would choose for the decor afterwards (colors of the walls, etc.). And casually, the handles can set the tone and already create an atmosphere.

In summary : everything I liked, he didn't like. Everything he liked, I didn't like.

But really ! He showed me one, I winced and said “!!?? It's the ugliest of them all! And vice versa.

I remembered that a friend confided in me of her distress because her husband did not accept that they had disagreements. So door handles are really not a substantive subject… when we don't agree on something concerning Boubou's education or an important project, it's more serious.

That said, this is an opportunity for me to try to analyze with you what enabled my couple to overcome this crisis of madness! (And I will read this list again when we have a more worrying disagreement 🙂 )

What to do when we disagree?

• Accept it. Telling me that he has the right to have different tastes in door handles, and that it doesn't change my deep esteem for him. (On the other hand, we took the shock and realized that the work was not going to be easy every day if this first small choice already posed such a big problem.)
• Let some time pass. In our case, don't buy the handles right away. We can often make whim choices, but now was not the time. So think, rethink things, imagine that the other can still have a good idea, project yourself, question yourself, put yourself in the other's place...
• Let go. Make up my mind that we might not be able to install the handles which I thought were really pretty, but that's how it is when you're in a relationship. I can't want it to be exactly “as I think, as I want, as I planned”. Is the subject of disagreement really worth arguing about? Wasting time and energy?
• Let one of the two choose. Yes, I don't think you should necessarily try to agree on everything all the time. Finally, he went back to the store, I said "choose" and he made a nice choice. Frankly. Finding myself in front of the department was too hard for me, but delegating this heavy responsibility to my man freed me. And suddenly, no need to agree. (And then of course, they were only door handles… not capital or vital as a choice.)

I specify that he would have easily let me choose as well, and I would have made sure to take something that is not the opposite of his tastes. In any case, we got out of the “compromise” system where we try to find together what we both like. Sometimes that's not possible. You need one that slices.

What if I was convinced that my handle was the best? He would have had to be convinced with gentleness and love. Feasible. 😉

Whatever the subject of the disagreement, I have the impression that this miracle recipe in 3 ingredients works quite well: time, letting go, calm discussion. Not wanting to settle the thing on the spot, taking the time to re-reflect on my point of view will allow me to let go of ballast, to try to better understand his vision, etc. And we can discuss the subject that annoys more calmly.

And yes, yes, very often, he is right, I ADMIT. (But sometimes it's me. 🙂 )

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A couple that lasts

This year with my darling, we are going to celebrate our 12 years together! When we tell people this duration, they are surprised because it is no longer in the habit...

We feel out of the ordinary, different from our celib friends who tell us that it's too much of a headache, that he prefers to be alone

Either, we respect everyone's opinion and life but we realize that these 12 years have been great for everyone, when we do a little review, we realize that we have evolved, we have grown as that nobody that our adventure allowed us to have huge memories, even the bad ones make us laugh now. Going through storms together has made us stronger and we want to have even more projects and the desire to do lots of things together!

We realize that the couple is an adventure, you leave on a raft and you try with your co-pilot to build a liner as the years pass through the storms and taking advantage of the moments of sun and heat that life has in store for you!

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Jade and Thierry

Chériedoudou

5 months ago we decided to change our professional life by choosing to do WHAT WE HAVE WANTED TO DO for years!

Crazy decision according to our relatives with questions: but how are you going to do it, did you freak out? How are you going to pay for the house? You are going independent!!!

But we didn't let ourselves be discouraged and polluted by people's fear, we even saw that some people were going to leave our circle of friends as they were so negative and harmful to our energy...

This decision is the best we have made because we now feel free and above all happy! We know it won't be easy but when you do something you love, you give it your all and believe us it can only work, we're convinced!

In addition, for our couple it is a breath of fresh air and energy, the excitement of this new life motivates us every day to take full advantage!

To live in cup is to realize oneself personally and collectively in order to reach what is called HAPPINESS!

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Jade and Thierry

Chériedoudou

We received a friend who unfortunately told us of his divorce from his wife… He told us about the communication difficulties and the routine that had set in and which ended up killing their complicity and their relationship. Their lives became sad, arguments of growing intensity punctuated the rare moments of joy that were produced only with children.

He told us that they were no longer evolving, that no desire despite repeated attempts, even with a marriage counselor, had allowed them to see the future in a positive way.

After a long discussion, we realized that the need to have projects, a vision, life goals for the couple and for everyone were essential to maintain and grow a relationship as a couple.

Easy to say but not easy to do in a society that padlocks us to a routine life...

Our relationship is moving forward thanks to lots of crazy ideas sometimes but which allow us to dream and continue to make efforts to be able to LIVE and not survive.

In the end, life is made for that, isn't it?

What do you think ?

Do not hesitate to leave us a comment to share your opinion with us!

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Jade and Thierry

Chériedoudou

This sentence, we had to repeat it in 12 years of living together at least once a year!

Well yes, it's not a long calm river, you say, they are all beautiful, very cute, it seems that they never have any worries. Well it's the opposite, we've already had beautiful and big crises that almost went away with the separation!

We have already even gone to the point where we make an Excel table in order to know who was going to leave with the TV, the sofa etc etc…

But luckily we put pride and ego aside each time in order to start over and improve in our relationship. I think we really have convictions and values ​​about life as a couple, which means that we don't give up and above all that there is an essential element that holds us together: love...

We don't see each other without the other and the other without one

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Jade and Thierry

Chériedoudou

Do you want to know what my big challenge is at the moment? I'll tell you: answer the question.

He pointed out to me that I often answered the question he asked me off the mark and that generated impatience. Or worse: I respond with a reproach or a contemptuous remark.

An example :

– Where is the salad bowl?

– Well, you don't know where we put the salad bowls? Well then, it was in the fridge because there was the tomato salad, but since we finished it last night, we had to wash it… did you look next to the sink?

- He is not there.

– So put away, cupboard at the top right?

Ah! I finally answered the question. For better communication, I should have said from the start:

Cupboard top right.

He wouldn't have been hanging around during my entire script. And if the salad bowl was not stored in its place, we would have looked elsewhere. But the tomato salad and the whole context of the thing, in fact, who cares, right?

And above all, if he asks me the question, it's because he doesn't know (or he's too lazy to remember): he's waiting for an answer, and above all not a reproach.

And I assure you that since we discussed this (that I don't answer questions and all), I realize that it happens quite often! Or else I answer with another question: “Why do you want to know that? “, or I anticipate his next question” if it is for [reasons x or y], I warn you that [blablabla]”.

Why so many detours?

It must be tiring for him, and it doesn't encourage him to confide in me.

So now I make it a daily exercise, and it works on my reactivity: question > answer. BAAAM.

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A couple that lasts

I 'm the type to hang out on the sofa before going to bed (it's Doudou talking). Ma Chéri says to me all the time: “Aren't you coming to sleep with me? I don't answer her right away.

It's true that I like to be alone at night thinking or watching TV, but today I decided to go to bed at the same time as her.

We buried ourselves under the duvet and we talked about our projects, our life, imagine where we would be in the next few years. Sticking against each other even if she kept telling me that my hand was cold… Then we fell asleep quietly with our plans in mind, it was all stupid but it did us good!

We broke the routine with these little harmless moments but which are important for the couple, as a result we don't necessarily need a restaurant or an outing to share fun and intense moments. The simplest moments are the most important

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cheriedoudou

Yesterday we received a friend who had just married at home, she had her ^first child but did not want to have others because she finds it too hard to manage everything on her own.

She was expecting support from her husband, but on the contrary she realizes that he was relying entirely on his wife, claiming that he was already bringing the money home. Without judgment because we don't know the inside of their relationship, we wondered about the role of each when a child arrives (we are not parents yet).

Who does what ? The role of mother and the fusional bond means that many mothers do not necessarily trust their husbands on certain tasks and vice versa some men rest all the tasks on their wives

Delicate and difficult question that made us think about the proper functioning to adopt? There are no miracle recipes or miracle methods, but should we anticipate this organization?

What do you think ? We would like to know the feedback of parents. Another question does the life of parents really change the life of a couple?

Do not hesitate to tell us about your experience

Can't wait to read you!

Jade and Thierry

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When we moved into our renovated house, we took the opportunity to buy a new bed and a new mattress.

He went around the stores and promotions, I gave him my criteria, and he chose a good mattress.

Except that we don't have the same morphology, so I tend to have back pain and “sink down” even though the mattress is perfect for him.

One evening, we talk about it, I give him my impressions, I ask his opinion, and there he comes out with one of the most beautiful declarations of love in the world. A sentence that means "I will always love you", "you are the most beautiful" (ok, I'm extrapolating a little  ):

Well, in 10 years, you will choose the mattress!

Isn't that the line of a loving, faithful and committed husband?

People talk about us "in 10 years" as a matter of course and that's what I like with him . We know that in 10 years, we will eventually have to change the mattress again as we have just done. We know that in 10 years, we may not have the same life and the same projects, but we will always form a shock team.

Thank you, teammate of love, for never having said "for the moment", "as long as it goes well"... but for always projecting yourself into the future with me as if it were logical and unthinkable to see things differently, and this since you were 15 years old. ♥

Besides, I don't give a damn about choosing the mattress, what I choose: it's sleeping on the same mattress as you.

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A couple that lasts

We decided that it would be him who would choose our son's Christmas present, because it stresses me out.

But then I got involved cause I wanted an option more ecological .

Then I saw that my option was fine more expensive than his.

Imagine the crisis...

This gave us a lot of delicate subjects to manage at the same time:

• the education of our child,
• the management of our financial resources,
• environmental issues,
• and in the middle of it all: our different sensitivities.

What are our priorities at this time? Preserving the harmony of the couple? Or be absolutely right?

The crazy thing is that we were each trying to convince the other of what was better for the child or better for the environment, and in this mess, the two were incompatible ! He wanted to be sure that the gift would please the little one, while I wanted to be sure that the gift didn't pollute the oceans too much (yes I know, I'm a bit extreme, but it takes what it takes). 

Suddenly we got totally tangled up and we ended up buying a gift that neither him nor me like :|. Good points :

• It's second-hand so my eco-consciousness is fine.
• I found it on Le Bon Coin, so at least we didn't go broke.
• I'm sure our love Boubou will still like it.

The main thing is to respect yourself. To take it upon yourself. Too bad if it's not as I had imagined. Too bad if it doesn't help the planet. Or too bad if it's more expensive. Too bad if this toy is a little worse than the other. The main thing is to preserve our relations. We are obliged, in a couple, to make some sacrifices. To accept not to control everything. To agree to trust the opinion of the other.

I understood the lesson: next time, I leave all the responsibility for the gift to dad. Distribution of tasks version 0 dispute ! 

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A couple that lasts

Yesterday, with my darling, we argued over the house stains...

I admit guys, she does a lot (not everything as she says) but 87.87% of the house stains! It's not that I don't want to do anything, but I have to admit that she does certain tasks better than me and above all that she takes things in hand more quickly than me...

But last night, she broke down and burst into tears and there I said to myself that something had to be changed. The accumulation of work + managing daily life, I understand that it can be heavy for a while… I approach life as a couple like a business manager, a leader, a good father. Not in a macho way but more like the thermometer of the house, knowing how to calm hot situations, knowing how to boost when necessary, keeping your cool, all the values ​​instilled by my father. It's not easy every day but I force myself to become a better man and companion and next year a good husband (yes it's planned for next summer!)

So I told my little wife that we were going to talk and truly share the household chores so that she would be relieved and that I could support her. So we took a blank sheet, listed the daily tasks and we shared 50% of the tasks according to our “skills” and our desires so that everyone was responsible.

It's now been more than 4 months since we set up this organization in 10 years of living together and I must admit that it's not that bad. The only downside, and here I tell her right away, is when she wants to put herself in the position of controller of finished work! In this case I put a direct stop so that it stays on what we decided and that everyone stays in their sector. But other than that, it's going well, everyone does their chores like everyone pays half the house charges too, it's one of the decisions we made when we decided to move in together and we think it's really essential for the balance of the couple! We will give you our feedback on this subject in a future article!

And you, how are the stains going at home? Let us know in the comments or by return email!

Can't wait to read you!

Do not hesitate to take a look in our section: household peace! We have unearthed items that make household chores less tedious… I discover the section

Jade and Thierry

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